Many have heard of or read the cartoon of two young fish that swim past an older fish. The older fish greets them, “How’s the water today, boys?” Once by themselves again, the one younger fish says to the other, “What’s water?”
The comic illustrates that we do not notice our environment until someone points it out. It is the air we breathe, and the water we swim in. Those born after 2000 or so do not know a world without the web. Many of the the abnormalities of the web have to be pointed out to them, because they have simply assumed them to be normal.
One of these is pseudo-relationships. It is not that communication over the web is always fake or misleading. It is that the internet gives the illusion of a flesh-and-blood relationship, when it is really still a mediated connection. We know this because the web allows us to control things that are not usually in our control during face-to-face encounters. For example, when online we can adjust our image digitally, or even turn off our screens entirely. We can flatter ourselves and begin to believe our own enhanced, stylised version of ourselves, and prefer it to flesh-and-blood encounters.
We also begin to act very differently than we would if we were in people’s physical presence. The unkind, aggressive and vicious language which takes place on social media has caused some psychologists to coin the term online disinhibition effect. This simply means that behaviour which would be considered unacceptable face-to-face becomes common when people are behind screens, particularly if they are anonymous. Slander, lies, and gossip become easy.
It has become possible to destroy a person’s reputation by posting a video, photo, or comment, and waiting for it to ‘go viral’. Much of what is shared on social media, whether by permission or not, is simply gossip. To learn details of another’s life, when you are not a part of the problem or a part of the solution, constitutes feasting on ‘tasty morsels’. All of this comes down to careless words. Just a few years ago, the stats were that every 60 seconds on Facebook 510 000 comments are posted, 293 000 statuses are updated, and 136 000 photos are uploaded.
Further evidence that the online relationships are less than real is the blurriness that social media has produced. Consider these questions. Is it unkind or rude to ignore or refuse friend requests? Is it acceptable to “friend” an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend if you are married? Should married men and women have a host of friends from the opposite sex? How should Christians deal with someone who has been disciplined by a church of like faith? Should they all un-friend? Should they refuse to ‘like’ or comment on posts? Should they remove the person from the newsfeed? Or should they keep him or her to find out if there is any repentance, or if others are interacting with the person? Most Christians have seldom approached these topics, and many children are thrown into these murky waters with little guidance.
We close this series with seven guides for using social media, or the web in general.
- Have a clear goal for your use, particularly one or more of the first five mentioned.
- If you are using it for social sharing, reduce your ‘network’ to those you would show a family album to in the privacy of your home.
- Do not put anything private, that you would not want shared, on the web. Regardless of your privacy settings, once it is in cyberspace, it can be found and used by others. Tighten up your security settings. If your job requires a Facebook or Social media profile, you might want to consider a separate one for work.
- Time yourself when you go on social media. Set a limit for how long you will be on it. For every half-hour you spend on social media, spend an hour in the actual presence of family and fellow believers.
- Whatever is tempting you to envy, lust, or to peer into another’s life, cut it off. Whether that means unfollowing, unfriending, deleting, do not make provision to sin (Rom 13:14), and be willing to cut off what causes you to sin.
- Be hesitant to comment: weigh your words, reactions, and comments before you post them. Digital words will still be judged by God. If you really need to say it, and the person is close enough to you for you to influence, pick up the phone.
- Cultivate contentment, and repent of the need to show off or find validation through social media.
ISM inter SA
Thanks Ps David as always such helpful practical advice that we can put in motion immediately in our lives, thereby fuelling our striving for godly living.