Are you tired of not having enough? Are you moeg of NOT driving a Rolls? Did you see those sweat rides Melrose Arch people are BLESED to drive?

Are you asking youself, and your pastir, why? Why, pastir? Why does God not love me and give me a juicy car?

The answer is simple…

Your not giving enough.

Send me cash, and I’ll reveal to you the secrets of the universe, as reveeled to me directly.

Remember, the smaler the amount you share, the less blesd you will be.

And your children will suck. Look at me. My kids don’t suck. Mostly. And they love me. Mostly.

(Accept, I have trouble with my son, who wont give me discount on a nice fens. Lets see how much he likes it when his sisters inherit all the church funds onedya.)

Make your gift count. Give at least $1,000 now, and watch your own bank balans change.

But don’t dout, cos he who douts is like a storm at sea. Or something like that. It’s in the bible. Look it up.

Sow a seed of fatih, sit back, and watch.

TV.

Or look out the window.

Just watch.

Something.

And you’ll be amazed.

Struggling with pain?

You filthy unbeliever.

Ye of little doubt!

How dare thee?

No, simply trust. Trust, and believe, and recieve. Heeling. And money. And all sorts of other things.

But remember…

God looks after those who look after themselfs, and those who don’t muzzle the legs of an ox.

It’s in the bibel. Look it up.

Give today, and thou shalt recieve.

Can I get a amen?

Also, I prefer cash. Leaf an onvolope under your chair at chuch and tap your nose when I look at you. Then watch me swoop in with a blesing.

Obviously not immidiately. I don’t want your right arm to know what your left leg is doing. Like the book says.

Now lets close with that blesid Colplay him, Your a sky full of stars.